Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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