if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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