it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
