I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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