i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize