I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
