While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
