My Higher Power is John Stamos
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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