So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
