what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
