Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
