my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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