Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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