FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
