Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
God I need to hump something, right now.
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