Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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