I can text with my tongue
where does the pee come out of this thing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
She has the best kind of daddy issues
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
