No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
