o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
When are your genitals available?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
