R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i need an iv and a liver transplant
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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