Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
