Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
