Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
