I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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