they said they heard you say put it in my butt
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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