I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize