My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I think I died a long time ago.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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