im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
