Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
