I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He passed out mid-signature
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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