My room smells like vodka and shame
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
