u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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