you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Randomize
