Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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