I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Couch. On fire.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
