I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
