Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
