Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
