I bet he comes in French.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
