I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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