Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
