too bad you live with your parents still
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
