So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
