I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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