Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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