No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
