listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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