I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
