the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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