and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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