He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
