You're my little dorito
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
