I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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