The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
