What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
