you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
