He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
