so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
