You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize