I don't usually arrange sex via text message
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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